Nothing to Wear

For those of you who may not be aware, I consider myself a Native Texan.  I was born and raised right here in the Lone Star State.  I own several pair of cowboy boots though I don't wear them everyday, I own a gun (two actually), I have ridden a horse on several different occasions, and though I don't believe it is a strong one, I do speak with a Texas drawl.  Having said all of this I must inform you that no matter how many decades you live in Texas you NEVER get used to the weather.

You see last week at this time we were in the 40's and I was able to utilize my winter wardrobe that is still crammed into my closet.  This week however it is muggy and in the 80's which means my turtle necks and sweaters are very much out of place.  Then there is of course the conundrum of my office which normally averages in the "meat locker" temperature range despite the appearance of fire or ice outside my window.  So needless to say I have been utilizing that winter wardrobe for work since May of last year.  Now however I am finding myself more and more in the field which is a blessing and in need of Texas Spring attire (which of course means anything from a parka to a bikini).

So when I wake up late, because I stayed up until 1am reading Hunger Games, and I am already in my dim and not so chipper ginger morning mood, it really doesn't help to step into a crammed packed closet and not only have nothing "Springy" to wear but that most of my winter clothes don't fit!  Now normally I would just head on over to JCP or the mall and pick up something but NO!  I REFUSE!  You see yesterday evening I took my cousin shopping at the mall, and of course being the elephant next to the cute, youthful, fit, young adult, didn't really encourage my shopping mood (which my bank account didn't complain about).  So here I am thinking about how I need some cute tops for work and I can't help but notice that I can't fit into anything I like.

First Pet Peeve: (Remember Purely My Opinion)

Fat people clothes are UGLY!!!  I hate going into a store and walking through racks of clothes in my size that I wouldn't be caught dead in!  The old adage "the grass is greener" comes to mind because there I will be meandering through racks of horrid patterns and colors and I catch myself gazing longingly at the junior section with the cute little business clothes that would look so cute with that fantastic pair of shoes back in the shoe department.  Now don't get me wrong there are some stores that do carry some pretty cute clothes in my size but I have two things keeping me from shopping there.

1. I REFUSE to buy the next size up!  If I have to squeeze myself into a pair of pants, which of course ensures I will sport the famous muffin top, and not take a full breath until I can get home and feel the supreme satisfaction of sliding into my yoga pants, then so be it!  Am I the only one that feels that way?  Its almost as if buying the next size up is admitting some great defeat and I am not ready to surrender any more than I already have.  So I'm sorry to those poor souls who must see me walk around all day gushing out of my clothes but I am holding out!

2. Fat Girl Clothes Cost a Fortune!!!!   I mean what is it?  You think because I carry a bigger purse to offset my waist size and that means I have more money floating around in there?  I get it... you use more material to make my shirt than my cousin's shirt but not $20 more of material!  I can get a whole juniors wardrobe for what a couple of shirts cost me at some of these places and hell by the time clothes my current size make it to the sale rack there is nothing on there I want to wear anyway!  Lets get something straight here - I'm young (sort of) and over weight - I am NOT ready to give in to the dark side and be my great grandmother's twinkie!

So that brings me back to my closet situation.  So here I am feeling icky and uncomfortable not only in my own oversized skin but also in the not as oversized clothes I am wearing today.  I know I'm not going to see instant results from everything that I am trying to do but how great would it be to slide into my clothes and not see my back fat showing through a shirt that should be cute.  I keep thinking of all the cuter clothes I have in storage totes just waiting for the first 20lbs to fall off and can only hang my head and sigh.  It also doesn't help that feeling fat makes me want to eat fat.  How ironic is that - All through the mall yesterday I'm looking at all of these little clothes I want to fit in by October and all I can think is "It'll never happen!  Go get a cookie!  You'll feel better!!!"  So I do - but I didn't eat it!  Don't be too proud of me because we then went down to Marble Slab and I got a waffle cone with LOW FAT cake batter yogurt with sprinkles.  I did however suck it up and did my P90X Shoulders and Arm workout last night and I think I did a pretty darn good job!