Work in Progress

"You get tired and disgusted with me,
When I can't be just what you want me to be.
I still love you and I try real hard....
I even asked the Lord to try to help me:
He looked down from Heaven, said to tell you please;
Just be patient, I'm a work in progress."

Friday afternoon I had the privilege to go and pick out bridesmaid dresses for my friend Jaren's wedding.  As many of you know the day of her wedding is the deadline I have set for myself in my weight loss journey.  Obviously that is several months away but standing in that dressing room and having to try on size 16 dresses didn't do much to help my self-esteem.  Especially when I was stepping out not only to see myself in the mirror but Jaren's two beautiful (and by that I mean gorgeous on the inside and out) sisters.  So I'm squeezing into dresses 5 sizes larger than theirs and begin feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I want to wear the same size 6 by the time of the wedding.  Not a big deal some say - thats still seven months away.  But NO!  I have to order the dress by July which is only 4 months away.  Not only that but when I tell the sales girl that I don't want to order mine yet because my goal is to wear the six to the wedding she gives me that, "I've heard this before...Sure, thats a great goal but do you really think its going to happen look?"

Do people really think we don't notice that?  The look on their face that says "I'll believe it when I see it!"  As if convincing ourselves over and over again that we can get there isn't hard enough we to constantly stand up against the bombardment of those SMILE-AND-NOD responses.   I GET IT!!  Losing weight is hard and I don't have the best track record and it might seem impossible for me to lose 60lbs when you barely weigh 100 but you know what size 0 sales girl... I WILL REACH MY GOAL!  You see I'm a ginger and we are stubborn as hell, and though I might stumble and I might give in and make poor food choices some days, I am still literally working my butt off, and the great thing about it, when I'm done I'll still have a butt where as you have a cinch belt to try and imitate curves!!!     I have a great support system and I have amazing will-power (when I can find it) and I have a desire to better myself!  So I will Bring It, and I will NOT be the FAT GIRL on the alter!

I am a work in progress!  My weight does not reflect who I am - its just a place I am at in my life so that I can remind myself of how strong I am on the inside!  Like the song says I may get tired and disgusted with myself and I may not be who I want to be but I am a work in progress and that means I get to improve.  That means I get to grow and change and come out stronger on the other side of this battle.  It may be hard to feel positive and capable all the time but that just means I have to reach down further and grasp whatever tiny part of me believes that day that this is possible.

So what motivates you?  What do you tell yourself when you have a hard day that keeps you going?  Do you have the same problem when you tell people outside of your support group that you are trying to lose weight?    How do you remind yourself you are a work in progress when you are busting your butt and not seeing any results?  Please let me know either in the comments or email me at Texas_Ginger23@yahoo.com!

Thank you for all of you who support me even when I can't!  And as a side note I am still kicking butt at P90X!  I did the Stretch workout last night and it felt great!  Especially since my calves are killing me from the Legs and Back workout!!  I had my husband hide the scale so I would stop driving myself crazy jumping on it everyday and I have noticed a difference in my clothes yet but I just keep telling myself that busting my butt for an hour everyday and eating fewer calories HAS to be making a difference somewhere in my body!!

Thanks guys for reading and I hope to hear from you soon!